THIS IS HALLOWEEN

i
love
halloween.
it has always been my favorite holiday.... i get to dressup and goof off, watch scary movies and eat lots of candy.......get terrified .... all for hte fun of it. i love it. its almost here... of course... hat also means lissas would have been 18th bday................. which is depressing.... but ya know........ima try. i love halloween...NO DEEP THOUGHTS TODAY....just the terrifically terrifying truth to be shown on all hallows eve :D

THE PLOT THICKENS

AH HAH. there it is again....the confusion i call my life. lol. at least its not like....bad confusion....its kinda good...which i guess makes it bad? i dont even know. lol. im so confused but yet..... im still in a good mood about it which is notttt good. lol. tyler is amazingly hillariuos. he makes me laugh... i would write more into detail buttt billy is reading this as i go. lol. i just..........does it make any sense if i say that there is a tragically cute couple okay? the cute girl that is kinda bad but really has a heart of gold........................ and the bad guy... that isnt really a bad guy? make sense. i know im vague....... thats all i cna say at the moment.

the final countdown

halloween....its almost her birthday. err...whatever you wanna call it . she would have been 18 in 5 days........ 5 freaking days.... sorry mrs matthews i am using extreme self cencorship when i speak on this topic... i dont want to offend you. i just.... i am so lost... same topic for the past three blogs and i still cant get over it. i dont know what else to say. there is no deep though process this time... just pain. thats all i have left anymore... fake smiles.....faded memories....and mroe than enough pain. all that is inside of me.... is screaming very silently.

what a slum i am in

im in afunk. not the healthy kind that we all experience.......im alone. even when im not. my best friend that knew the most about me...shes gone. gone. i cannot wrap my head around it. my qoute for the rest of my life is as follows "once i realized she was really gone... i corrupted from within". nothing seems bright anymore... i try to look at life like she did...you do what you have to.... you live strong...STRONG. only im afraid i cant be strong without her here. im trying to ask my self what would melissa do? MY lissa...what would she do? i have no advice to take from her. none. i am hanging out here by myself....all alone and having nothing to do... im such a wimp that i cant even go to her death site.......i cant even man up enough to go see where she was at the end of her life......i guess all i can do is hold on. I'm gonna make it Lissa.....just gimme a lil while to adjust okay? im trying baby girl.

it is what it is

soooo life. its what it is i guess. i dont have anything else to say about it. theres the good...then the bad... i suppose im growing up enough to see that you just have to deal with both sometimes. i was having a great week......even at work..........even at school..... and then i dreamt about her. Melissa ... MY lissa i mean. i dreamt about her.........what a beautiful nightmare. i read the letters we wrote each other that i had forgotten somewhere under my bed. how i told my other friends how close we were.....and i quote " that is why me and Melissa Ann are Best Friends.....we have been places together that you have only seen in your nightmares" and that is the truth.... and by god i miss her so much...... i dont think the world will ever be the same again..... i just......we were tough....i was tough when she ouldnt be and vise versa....and that was my counterpart....lissa was one of the few soulmates i had made in the world........that counterpart is gone and im left feeling weary, tired and weak. will this ever be okay again?

my fallen angel

She was beatiful, with the bluest eyes youve ever seen, and when that huge smile spread across her face....you knew that she had a diabolical plan....nothing too terrible of course... it was all just for laughs. She was always there....as you might expect... to help... or to knock some sense into you. She always told you the truth... no matter how much you didnt want to hear it. Crying shoulder... or to cry on yours......she was always there.....never too far away, even across the country..she was merely a message away....
my best friend
my fallen angel
Melissa Ann Shaw......forever 17.
Rest in Peace my Ocean Eyes

Iris

the song of the day- Iris: by the goo goo dolls. the song is so true. the lyrics read as follows:

id give up forever to touch you cuz i know tha youd feel the same way
your the closet to heaven that i'll ever be
and i dont wanna go home today ...
and i dont want the world to see me cuz i dont think that theyd understand when everythings meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am

the general part of the song (look up the rest)

the song makes me know that love is alive.
i mean, of course i already know, but what if everyone loved like this song... like in the movie the city of angels.... fall makes me think of romance...and when i think of romance, i question " who is it that i want to have an iris type love with?" and when you look deeper it isnt always the person you would think it is.